All right, team. Here's the issue. There are really two questions here, so pay attention. :)
There is a girl at work, who just started about 3 months ago. She didn't really physically impress me in any way, I mean she is cute but whatever, I wasn't too interested. Plus she had a boyfriend who she'd been dating for over four years, so I figured that was a done deal. I invite her out from time to time to hang out with my friends, and she does the same, but it's all friendly, nothing big, although my friends keep telling me I should "hit that," as guys are wont to do. Those advisements become intensified after one incident at a club where perhaps we danced a little closer than "friends" should!
Well, I guess not, because he dumped her less than a month after she started working with me. Of course, the geeks (I know I'm a geek, but I'm talking about the hardcore ones) were ecstatic; here was a girl who's now single, and she is cute and knows about computers. :) One guy in particular was especially excited, because he had been totally into her since she got here, and now, he thought, it was his big chance! This guy is someone I consider a friend at work, and so the fact that he "saw her first" definitely factored into my decision not to bother with this girl.
All this time, I'm thinking, I wouldn't mind sleeping with this girl, but doing things with a co-worker (and by co-worker, I mean she sits right behind me) isn't worth the drama that could unfold unless I'm serious about her.
As months go by, our conversations over e-mail start to become more flirtatious. She starts coming out with me on the weekends more and more, and eventually starts hanging out at my place after we get home from the bar, to "sober up." I eventually, after agonizing over it (as I believe Joe was already party to), take the hint and make a move, and of course she is relieved that I did.
Now here are my questions.
1. Do you think this was a bad idea? I do, since we work in very closer proximity to each other and eat lunch together every day as part of a group we are trying to keep this secret from. However, we are too good a match for me to just ignore it and pretend we are platonic friends. I really like this girl, and though I have a slight concern that I may be the rebound guy, I feel like at least I did give her some time to get over him, and made sure she at least seemed to be okay with it before I made a move.
2. Do you think I should tell my friend at work? This one, I'm not sure about. I mean, on one hand, he did express interest in this girl, but on the other hand, he obviously didn't do anything about that interest. So it's not really like I "stole" her from him, but now the hope will be gone for him, and he might be sad or annoyed about that. The real issue is that I think people are starting to catch on -- a co-worker who barely even sees either of us asked me if something was going on between us -- and so this guy might just find out or figure it out (he sits right next to her, after all) on his own. Should I wait until he figures it out, or at least let him hear it from me? Or do you think I really don't owe this guy anything.
Dipping the pen in the company ink, if you will
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14 comments:
Tough Questions...
Well, regarding whether it is a bad idea, I say "No".
As I mentioned to another former contributer to this blog, it is hard not to let things follow their own course. For example, if the two of you are becoming good friends and it is becoming more and more obvious that you want to be more than just friends, that would also place a strain on the relationship. I firmly beleive that you need to move ahead, despite what difficulty it might lead to at work, and enjoy it!
This brings us to the second question of whether to tell the friend. I say it all depends... Unless you have grown soft over the years, I recall a general sense of you not caring about what anyone in your office felt or thought.
I am not sure how much you really need this guy at work, or if he could become a problem in the future, which does complicate things, however it might not hurt to at least be one of the first to mention it, just so that you can say you did the right thing.
Honestly, while it is going on, dating a coworker can be pretty cool. I know going to work with Cat, even if we were in different offices, was alot of fun, especially since I knew we would see each other at lunch and that she knew exactly what I was going through when things happened at work. Conversely, I think it is important to keep the work out of the relationship as much as possible, as it becomes a drag and begins to make things stale after a while. Especially since in my case, Cat is no longer too fond of her job and it is becoming harder not to dwell on it. Anyway, these are the ramblings of an old married guy :) The focus should be on you and I think you should not worry about any of this becuase it has to work itself out one way or the other.
Also, do you feel weird writing about her when you know she sits right behind you? I think it's fun. :)
Actually, I am home sick from work today. I can only post on Egypt 6 via e-mail from work, since Blogspot is blocked by the office network. And writing about this over office e-mail, which the admins at work could read, would have been too risky.
I'll answer the other stuff you wrote a little later... right now I just got up to hit the bathroom and go back to sleep. :)
Get Well!!!
Also, does this mean that you do not know when someone has responded to you, or do you have the notification setting active, so it sends you an email? Just curious.
I don't know when someone has responded unless I'm reading at home, but I check at least once a day, and more often if there is an active thread. Because my life is that exciting. :)
I'll try to get to responding to your actual response tonight... yesterday I did a whole lot of sleeping and sitting on the couch, and not much of anything else.
Understood. Are you feeling better?
Yeah, I'm feeling a bit better.
To get back to the topic at hand, I actually talked to the lady in question about this topic. She kind of figured the guy was into her, as he is always picking on her, all little-boy-on-the-playground-pulling-the-girl's-pigtails style. :) My conclusion was basically, I should be the one to let him in on the secret before he finds out some other way. I'm sure he will be annoyed, but not because he was ever going to date her, but because now he can't pretend he has a chance.
I definitely made the right decision about the girl, though. Although it's hard to see each other all day and have to pretend we don't like each other (which is necessary), I really do like her and wouldn't have been satisfied just being her co-worker.
Now I just need to get out of the company before we break up and it gets weird! ;)
I like your decisions! I am married to my coworker and I don't even like doing anyhting in public that would convey we know each other, let alone are involved... but that's just me!
I look forward to future updates.
Yesterday, I talked to the guy about it. He was basically like, yeah I kind of guessed something was going on. He wasn't upset or anything, just disappointed because of course he was into her. Oh well, what can you do.
I am glad it worked out when you spoke to the guy. I think it always sucks for someone when they get the feeling that an opportunity was lost... even if the opportunity was remote. In any event, it is one less awkward work situation out of the way.
Or maybe one more. :) Either way, at least it's off MY chest.
My computer is fixed..for now...so Keith--I know we spoke about this issue a little already. I am glad things are working out for you, though I am continually becoming frustrated to the point of no return with my own life as far as this stuff goes. You both know the issue at hand at this point--which makes me say--if you think there's a chance you two will be happy always go for it! I don't know if our generation is scared of responsibility or scared of commitment or just scared to be happy but I'm starting to wonder how it is anyone ever gets together at all. If I continue to write about this, it will become a rambling, non-sensical rant, so I'll stop here but say that I'm glad your new years' and what follows went the way it was supposed to go. Hope you guys are happy together. I'm starting to think my new years resolution should be to switch teams, but the process seems pretty grueling and undesirable to me.
I would like to first start by congratulating you on your triumphant return to the blog. In general however, I am not sure where to begin with my comments, so I will begin with the most off topic... Non-sensical? Does that mean that we engage in "sensical" rants? I believe we were shooting for "Nonsensical" with no hyphen.
Anyway, I will try to engage in a "sensical" rant regarding your comments. One, I don't think giving up on your "team" is the answer. I know things haven't been going well, but I still firmly believe in two common factors, the first being that the best things happen when you least expect it, and two, that sometimes you just have to go with the flow. In Keith's case, i feel that both apply as he has found his relationship in an unexpected place and has decided to see where it takes him.
I know I am hardly in a position to give advice, but I look to both your situation not too long ago when things were going well and also to that of a best man (who does not contribute to this blog), to know that people can surprise themselves when they stop and think about how much their fortunes can turn in such a short time.
I guess to sum up, before this becomes "non-sensical" is to emphasize that things can always turn around and it is important to try to keep it in perspective. You will need to use your dolber vision on this one and trust me.
Also remember that things did not end with the last guy all that long ago... it took me almost a year to find someone since I broke up with my last girlfriend. I don't mean this to frustrate you or make you feel hopeless! Just saying that maybe things don't happen right away, and you may find a bunch of losers (as I have over time, and -- haha -- Joe certainly has!), but eventually things will get back on track.
Thank you, Keith. :)
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