Here is kind of a question that came up over some drinks last night, as many good questions do.
[]
She recently gave him an ultimatum: If their situation isn't improved this time next year, she is taking the kids and leaving.
Does this seem unreasonable to you? I understand her frustration, but to make an ultimatum like that? To threaten taking his children from him? This is not how I understand a marriage to work. But maybe I'm wrong. Anyone? (He seemed to think it was at least somewhat reasonable when he was telling the story.)
"for better or for worse..."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
I agree that it seems unreasonable, aside from the fact that why does she make it seem that its only his responsibility to improve the situation? What is her job? Why is he the only one who should change? I definitely agree that it seems unfair (and I'm not a fan of ultimatums to begin with). That said, its hard to really understand what goes on between couples when you are not part of the relationship (actually, I think that goes for any relationship in general). If the guy is really ok with this ultimatum (which I kind of have a hard time believing but who knows) then maybe this is a situation that works for them and will help better their life style...though that's rather optimistic and probalby not realistic at all.
A female friend of mine offered this rebuttal. She said, a marriage is a contract. Maybe he promised her certain things when they got married; maybe she promised to raise his children, and he promised that they would have a house with a yard, the stereotypical American dream. And he is not living up to his end of the bargain.
I still don't know that it changes anything. I can see how she might be frustrated -- hell, very frustrated -- but to threaten to just up and leave? It's things like these that make me very cynical about marriage specifically, and relationships in general.
Yeah, I don't know that people set those specifics for a "marriage contract" but who knows...I'm kinda having a hard time being cynical right now, believe it or not. :) :)
My big question regarding this situation is what do we not know about the story? People generally do not give ultimatums unless they feel they have explored all other options for eliciting change.
I don't believe that either of them has necessarily bought into this american dream idea, and this is why they have hit this point. However, I would like to know if this guy has tried looking for a job with more reasonable hours, or is it that he likes it and does not want to change. Aside from the idea of marrigage being a contract, taking care of a child is more than a full time job and I am not sure that it is fair to the wife and child, if this guy has not at least tried to put himself in a better position.
Finally, getting back to this ultimatum, let's remember that she did give him a year, and is not asking for the change to happen by next week. She must feel very strongly to have to even go this far, but I think this is more than fair warning.
What this really points to is that the two of them are having some serious breakdowns in communication and hopefully it is something they can work through. From what I have seen with all of my other friends who have children is that they probably are cracking from dealing with the stress of having a child. This often makes the larger issues too difficult to bare and could challenge the relationship.
I would hope that regardless of what happens a year from now, that if they guy has been able to meet her half way on their issues that they can work it out. There is a lot of give and take in a relationship, and I am happy that for me, this give and take does not involve a child at this current time.
I understand what you mean. I don't think I could ever do it unless it was some very rough circumstances, like my mom and dad for example.
However, like I mentioned, unless this women makes a habit of using such steep tactics, I have to feel like she feels backed into a corner.
A another big concern about an ultimatum is what do you do if he doesn't get a new job? If she doesn't leave, will she have any credibility if the time ever came around that she needed to lay down an ultimatum? I am just thinking out loud, but I am with you that this can't be a good thing overall.
Post a Comment